🔥 Roast My Resume
Uncle Grimmy's brutally honest cybersecurity resume feedback
Get AI-powered analysis that cuts through the BS and tells you what's really wrong with your resume.
Uncle Grimmy Says:
"Your resume probably sucks. Let's find out exactly how much and fix it. I've reviewed thousands of cybersecurity resumes over 40 years. Trust me, I've seen every mistake in the book - and you've probably made most of them."
Resume Analysis & Roasting
Upload your resume for Uncle Grimmy's signature blend of brutal honesty and actionable advice.
What Gets Roasted
📝 Content Quality
- Buzzword overload detection
- Vague responsibility statements
- Missing quantifiable achievements
- Generic objective statements
🎯 Technical Skills
- Skill relevance for target role
- Certification value assessment
- Technology currency check
- Depth vs. breadth analysis
💼 Experience Presentation
- Job progression logic
- Responsibility vs. achievement focus
- Industry relevance scoring
- Gap explanation analysis
🎨 Format & Structure
- ATS compatibility check
- Visual hierarchy assessment
- Length appropriateness
- Contact information review
🔥 Sample Roast Snippets
"You've managed to use 'synergy' and 'paradigm shift' in a cybersecurity resume. Congratulations, you've achieved peak corporate nonsense. Hiring managers throw these in the trash faster than a phishing email."
"'Responsible for security' tells me nothing. Were you responsible for making it worse? Give me numbers. How many incidents? What budget? How many systems? Quantify or get disqualified."
"Having 47 certifications doesn't make you qualified - it makes you a test-taking machine. Pick the ones that matter for the job and explain how you actually USE this knowledge."
💰 Pricing
Free Roast
Basic analysis and roasting
Perfect for getting a reality check
Professional Rewrite - $99
Complete roast + professional rewrite
Custom version for your target role
Upgrade